Things To Do On Your Birthday Instead Of Drink

October 23rd, 2005

Being a recovering alcoholic sort of leaves you hanging when it comes to birthdays. Yesterday was Ethan’s 30th and the first birthday since his 14th where he couldn’t get wasted, so instead we had to come up with a lot of things that didn’t involve alcohol, such as:

*Take a morning hike with your dogs
*Have a nooner
*Gather your friends and go bowling
*See a show at the planetarium
*Go ice skating
*Play a few rounds of video games at the arcade
*Eat at a nice restaurant you’ve never been to before
*Rent a movie
*More sex

Ethan said it actually turned out to be the best birthday he’s ever had because a) he remembered it all, and b) he didn’t feel hung over all day from drinking.

But wow, 30. What a year to quit.

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What I Learned In Nutrition Class Today

October 20th, 2005

Yeah, all those “Provitamin complexes” that Pantene sells you? Complete crap. All a provitamin is is an inactive form of a vitamin. Your body can’t use it until it’s converted to the active form in one of your various organs. Not that your hair can use vitamins anyway.

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Dear Professor Anderson

October 18th, 2005

Please do yourself and everyone in your physics 2020 class a huge favor and just die.

Preferrably in a horrifically painful way.

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Meet The Parents

October 12th, 2005

I’m meeting Ethan’s mom in about 18 hours. I have to say, I’m a little nervous. I know it doesn’t really matter whether or not she likes me, but it sure would make my life easier if she did. From what Ethan says about his mom I get kind of a crazy vibe. Take, for instance, the time when he was visiting in March for her wedding and she introduced him to everyone as her nephew. WHAT??? What kind of mother does that? I’m pretty sure even mothers of serial killers don’t do that. So yeah, kind of nervous.

I’ve already met Ethan’s dad, and he was just awesome. At the wedding we were all attending the three of us got positively smashed and went to Happy Chef and ordered SO much food, with extra extra bacon, please. My kind of guy. I’m just hoping Ethan’s mom will turn out to be something like his dad. Oh, and also that I don’t do anything to piss her off.